Ink on Notebook Paper2/8/2009 7:25:00 PMLate at night in my apartment, most of the time when I couldn't sleep I would resource to drawing over and over on old notebook paper. I would use ink and brushes to do
the drawings. I would look in notebooks and always find love letters and such that I never gave to whoever and I would do drawings on top of these. A lot of times I'd get bills in the mail...most of the time not even opening the bills and would draw on top of an envelope. Ha, I guess it was a hidden way of me trying to keep away the dept collector?
One day my brother Humby and I stopped by my apartment to pick up some paintings that I just did and he had his camera on him and he got some snap shots of some of my old drawings. I actually have an obsessive compulsive behavior when it comes to drawing. I draw on everything. Any artist would tell you that. I guess we all do it, but my problem is I do it on important documents. So much so that I once drew
on my passport and almost wasn’t allowed into another country. Some of my elementary school friends that I still keep in touch with tell me one of the memories they have of me from back then is being yelled at for drawing on test papers. I guess I know where it started after all. Avoiding reality is so much easier and therefore the doodles that don’t matter actually end up becoming your reality. You set your own path. I didn’t post any in this issue but I actually do many cartoons. It seems to be instilled in me somehow. Growing up I was obsessed with cartoons. I still do them today just in private. No storylines of course…just doodles. I noticed while being alone for hours and hours in my apartment I developed a manner of writing and drawing. I realized it was automatic drawing. Nothing new anyway something picked up by the surrealists. Basically drawing or writing without really thinking about what you’re doing. It’s as if a demonic force goes through you and sets foot on the page. It’s actually quite an interesting exercise. I learned things about my hand and about deeper sensitivities within what I wanted to express.
I think I titled this issue, “The Luck of the Draw” because Lord knows how many times I didn’t get it right. You’re on that table and you know your cards, or at least you think you do. The other players sitting across from you are just white paper. The black lines you lay down are the lines you think will make you win…the white paper in-between those lines can trick you into thinking you got the whole game figured out. Sometimes it’s purely luck or something much deeper built with time and understanding how to manipulate the outcome. If I’m anything…I’m a liar and a true manipulator. You’re telling me you’re seeing all these things I did, but you’re really just looking at paper. I tricked you today and I’ll keep doing so because I’m like an obsessed gambler that likes to win.